Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Rodney!

From the L.I. Press:

Next week would have been Rodney Dangerfield’s 89th birthday. Can’t let it go by without giving you 10 of his one-liners.

-I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

-A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

-Once when I was lost…I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know, kid…there are so many places they can hide.”

-If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

-During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

-I was such an ugly kid…when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

-I was such an ugly baby…my mother never breastfed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

-I’m so ugly…my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

-I’m so ugly…my mother had morning sickness after I was born.

-I’m so ugly…I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.

2 comments:

SheaHeyKid said...

Hey, you wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Fredo said...

Nice hat. Looks good on you, though...

AddThis

Bookmark and Share

Always sniffing for the truth

Always sniffing for the truth

Blog Archive